It took a couple of tries, but I got the armor attune thing working. I went down to the training rooms and joined a squad-level practise with stun effects only. Oh is it WAAAAYYYY cool!!!!!! I should have done this long go, but nooooo, you just had to get me into ladies training school or finishing dance class or whatever it was, so I was stuck learning to be a Noble. Sigh. The things you put up with To Keep Your Family Happy. Anyway, we have a big briefing i room somethingty-three (maybe three -- they should just name the stupid rooms. I mean wouldn't be totally easier to meet in room "blue kitty"?????? You could even put pictures on the doors so people will remember them more easily. When I am an officer, that's what I'll do. Anyway, gotta go do the briefing thing.
Be proud. Be super proud. Be like lightspeed proud!!! I am a team leader!!!!! Go me! we're a real team now, and since I, like, totally inspire confidence in my team all the time, they vhoose me to be lead wampa! Anyway, we are off to some planet (it had a name and I wrote it down somewhere, not sure exactly. Our pilot sighed and wrote it down too, so we are good). Apparanently the empire (cue evil music) is interested in something called Sarlac, whatever that is. And there's this Hutt who gives it to them and probably gets a ton of cash for it too. And we have to DO something about it. So, as our New Team Leader (I need a new leader-y outfit too. I'm thinking better boots since my last ones were ruined by the swamp. Ick. The planet we're going to isn't swampy. I checked that. I also totally need more make-up. There's, like, NONE on this whole space station. Well, no good stuff anyway. You have no idea what these Rebeliion women put on their faces. It's too gross to speak of) I made a list of Goals:
- Find out about Sarlac.
- Have fun.
- Probably kill the icky Hutt.
- Get on the Hutt's good side.
Paagh suggested we might want to do (4) before (3), which I guess sounds right, but the way I see it, leaders make things happen the way THEY want. Notice I put fun second on the list, which shows I am becoming a responsible adult. I am pretty certain that if you sent me a large sum of money by bank fund to the emergency account we set up, that I would spend it RESPONSIBLY on SENSIBLE items that a girl really, really needs. Anyway, we are off, like, immediately. I only have three hours to pack, so critical stuff only!
Well, this should be a long letter. We were stuck on the planet undercover for like, forever. Weeks maybe, even, so no way to send anything even remotely secure. I know you will be totally worried, so here I am, again being a responsible adult who can be trusted with large sums of credits, making sure you know that everything is ice-moon cool and I am safe as a wookie (by the way, what is a wookie and why are they safe?). I made a briefing report and handed it in to my superiors and you're getting a short version becasue I kinda forgot to make a backup and I deleted it from my disk for security reasons. Your version doesn't have the figures I colored in or the hearts beside the bits that were coolest. Sorry!
Day 1: We sneaked into the place on the Banshee, pretending to be Scum Of The Earth. I had a totally scummy ripped tank-top thing that all the soldiers said was really hot, and the boots as usual. I went for brown leather pants as the black ones are a little tight now for full-on combat action. I had light-skin tattoos put on by a medic 'bot. I looked just like that lead guy on the show about the space people who just keep trying to keep their ship flying and end up getting in trouble all the time. So when we landed, this swoosh bike gang wanted to get us to pay them some sort of fee. I used my amazing force powers of mind control and told their twerp of a leader (some goth chick who dressed like she picked clothes up from a Jawa's discards) that I had already paid. Hah. But then she still wanted money from the others, so we ended up doing the fighty-shooty thing. Then we stole their bikes, set ourselves up a swoosh gang (called Hell's Jedis. Cool to the nth, huh?) and started hanging around bars, picking fights, smashing shop windows and asking for protection money. After a while we got a cool local rep and YEAH! we got to go see the icky Hutt's main sneak and his team!
Day 8 or so, maybe: We challenged his team to a fight to show we were like, awesome, and they were, like, total wasters. Butt was kicked and we persuaded the sneak guy to bring us to Darga the icky Hutt. Darga was totally ticked that his sneak had just invited us in and told us to off the sneak guy. Well, I was wondering what to do (in my role as hot-looking team leader), when Dorn just walked up and like, way cooly kacked the dude. Paint me amazed. I was like "whoa". The others were like "double whoa". But the Hutt liked it and we moved into his palace. I call it a palace, but compared to Bail's place -- icky, much? Kind of decaying, and smelly and gross. I guess just like Darga himself. Anyway, for the next few days, we had all kinds of fun. The biker chick tried to kill us again (what, does she have the brain of a Trandoshan?) and we were merciful and kind and nice and recruited her to our team. Despite the fact she seems, like, a power cell short of a full charge. We did a deal for Darga with some slavers where we promised we could train some slaves back to full health, we raced in this weird 'droid rally thing (and won, like OF COURSE). Dorn did get totally owned in a combat in an arena, but I wasn't there (I watched it on my holo though), so I cannot be held responsible if my team falls apart without me. I marked goal #2 as accomplished on our list of goals.
A day later or so: Lots then happened. We found out the major-domo for Darga was not only slightly force-y, but also an IMPERIAL SCUM (cue evil music). We didn't kill him as we were still getting on Darga's good side (goal #4). We talked to guards and cooks and this way lame accountant guy who told us all about Sarlac. I was tempted to mark off #1, but the others said to wait a bit. So no kacking Darga yet. Dang it. Oh yeah, the Jedi and I started getting these dreams about a girl (actually interrupted my MUCH BETTER dream about this soldier I met in advanced tactics training. He has this soooo sweet smile) and she was calling out for help. Adam (our Jedi, in case you have not been following along completely) thought she was real and calling out to us using the force, but I thought he just wanted an excuse to go around the palace looking for women. Whatever. Anyway, it turned out she was in jail or something and the guards were mean and better disciplined than I was expecting. Not that I was expecting much.
Yesterday, I think: We found a friend of Switch! Yeah. It turns out the crime lord is cool and all into infiltration and sneakiness and fun things. We broke IMPERIAL SCUM MAJOR-DOMO's code and read his files and tried denouncing him to Darga, but Darga just laughed, the stupid giant squishy smelly piece of wampa-fat discard mynock droppings. Oh, I've sent you a photo of me with Darga. I knew the gold bikini thing is a bit revealing, but I HAD TO do it for the TEAM. They all said I should and apparantly Hutts like that sort of thing. Totally weird. Anyway, things looked like coming to a head (some Imperials turned up. Darga steals special gas for big Imperial weapons -- turbolasers and stuff like that -- and gets it refined on Bespin, then swaps it to the Imperials in return for slaves. The Imperial's secret project is called Sarlac. I marked off goal #1) so I came up with a NEW totally guaranteed sure-fire amazing plan:
- Do Mind-trick stuff on Darga after getting him drunk and posing for him in the gold thing in case he can tell us any more about Sarlac, just in case we dont have the total data chip max facts yet.
- Neutralise the imperial scum major-domo (that's a technical army word for kacking people, btw).
- Go find the "help me" force woman in the jail.
- Kill the icky Hutt.
It all worked mostly perfectly. Well, it seems like Hutts are, like, totally immune to mind tricks, so that didn't actually work. I even got him to drink a lot and I bent over a good bit too. Oh well. So that didn't work. Then we couldn't find the ISMD, so we went off and rescued the "help me" woman who was this incredibly ancient jedi master person. We rescued her and headed back to Darga's but he had left. Lucky us (lucky and cute -- could I be any better!) we found the ISMD and made him so neutralised the floor will need deep-cleaning afterwards. Since the imperials were coming in hot and heavy, we decided on what army people call "immediate tactical withdrawal" and civvies like you probably just call running away. Zipped out of there, back on ship, gave report and that's it.
Oh, I forgot to mention I am giving up being a noble and going to become a full time soldier. I hope you're not too upset. Give my love to mumsie and kick Sher'a for me. Byeeeee.